I'm Afraid Of The Beginning

In this episode I talk about my fear of society burning me at the stake and Mykl users a sports analogy to talk about people and change (not dimes and quarters).

This is episode s10e42(407) for Monday, November 20, 2017 and clocked in at 15 minutes, 59 seconds

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Merry F***ing Christmas!

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I aspire to gain knowledge. I want to understand more, learn more, and think more. But the more I learn, the more afraid I become.

I'm afraid of Americans (moment of silence for David Bowie). Which is strange because I'm American, or Murican. But I'm afraid of doing something stupid, making a mistake, doing something wrong, having it go viral on social media, and then causing me to … Wait. Don't get me wrong. I'm all about facing up to mistakes, apologizing for wrong doings, paying penance, helping others through the possible pain and trauma, and teaching others not to make the same errors. Sure it's embarrassing it's degrading, it's hard to stand up to our misdeeds. But what I'm afraid of is the harsh judgement of others who may have the power (just in sheer numbers) to burn me at the stake. The ones who only want to punish severely and then eject you from society (or life).

I'm afraid of Jules (Samual L Jackson) from Pulp fiction saying, "There's a passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17. The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.” Just before he pulls the trigger.

Maybe I'm afraid because happiness has become elusive. Sure it's here and there, little sprinkles, big sprinkles, but the darkness is always more. Sadness, fear, chocolate, and cookies.

I'm afraid because I don't know who I am. I think I know, I think I have it — but then it's gone. So I pretend to be whatever I need to be for everyone around me. That makes people feel comfortable. And their comfort is of paramount importance. Because if they are uncomfortable with me, they may just kill me with fire. People don't like different. People are dicks. And so am I.

I'm looking for clarity in all the wrong places. Or maybe some of the right places, I just don't know yet. Clarity of thought. Clarity of purpose Clarity of being. Aren't we all looking for this? What can I do with my life that will stop me from picking up the nearest firearm and choosing to end my life? What can I do that will stop the blade from penetrating my flesh and leaking all the red oozy goodness that keeps me alive?

Maybe Jules from Pulp Fiction has my answer as he continues "Now... I been sayin' that shit for years. And if you ever heard it, that meant your ass. You'd be dead right now. I never gave much thought to what it meant. I just thought it was a cold-blooded thing to say to a motherfucker before I popped a cap in his ass. But I saw some shit this mornin' made me think twice. See, now I'm thinking: maybe it means you're the evil man. And I'm the righteous man. And Mr. 9mm here... he's the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness. Or it could mean you're the righteous man and I'm the shepherd and it's the world that's evil and selfish. And I'd like that. But that shit ain't the truth. The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be the shepherd."

Of course I'm still the kinda of guy that when Jules asked, "Does he look like a bitch?" I'd answer, "Yeah, a little bit."


* Footnote: Jules did not quote Ezekiel 25:17, this is not what the Bible says

Never forget that society is also to blame. Society taught. Society set examples. Society allowed. People make choices, good and bad. Let’s learn, make amends, and grow. Also, penis.
— The Distracted Philosopher

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Special thanks this episode to Mykl’s @ Rhetoric of The Idle Mind